Your Biggest Conspiracy Theory About The iPhone Is Totally True

No you aren’t crazy.( And enjoy that because, let’s be real, we typically are crazy .) Apple is actually is slowing older iPhone’s as their batteries age like a real crooked bitch. And the peoples of the territories, like a real democracy, have joined together to sue them because it’s an inalienable title that our telephones should never croak and make selfies eternally. Duh.

Instead of making us set our Girl Scout technology badges to good use and change the batteries in these telephones, Apple is essentially pushing us to get off our jackass, go to the mall, and buy entirely new telephones. It goes without saying, but iPhones are expensive AF and the whole occasion feels like a victimize preying on our deep panic of one day being a dark-green text.

Of the eight lawsuits being filed against Apple, one is for $999 billion. If the petty betches who entered that suit prevails, they find themselves obligated to buy us all new iPhones and kira kira apps. They probs won’t winning because Apple is like an unbeatable Goliath but we’re running one out for the little David’s out there fighting the good engage.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the word. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve established a 5x weekly newsletter announced The ‘Sup that will explain all the report of the week in a humorous af nature. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now !

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